A Sabbath's Rest

There's something to be said for resting. Really resting. As well as talking some things out.
I don't have much planned for this weekend, but last weekend, I said, "no," to nearly everything. I told everyone I just needed a weekend of nothing; no doing; no dates; nothing. I was telling my boss, before that weekend, how much I knew I needed it. He acknowledged that we had been going 100 mph for weeks with extra projects; BESIDES doing our regular jobs. That got me to believing I was just plain exhausted.
After last weekend's rest, I felt normal. The best part of that is proving God right. He told us to take a day off every week, because we need the rest. Somewhere, I read about a study that proved that the human body needs a day of rest. I believe I'll try to take that a little more seriously.
This week was so much better for me, as well as all of those around me! I was able to look at all the things happening around me and enjoy them, or laugh at them.
No, I'm not sinking into that pit. I'm just going to have to remember that exhaustion can cause extra worries. Spending time in a good fruitful book, listening to some great music and not trying to get caught up on anything are good antidotes to weariness and the threat of depression.

Been there; done that.

Yeah. Been there; done that. Don't want to do it again. But I realized tonight that it snuck up on me. I avoided it a couple times in the last couple years. I could smell it, sorta. Something. Then, tonight, there it was.
I feel like I'm teetering on the abyss of depression again. I don't know why. I have a job I enjoy. It's tough, but it's important and I get to help people. I have a great husband; great kids. Oh, I could list so many things.
So, they would probably say we have to diagnose the situation. Quite honestly, I think I might not be busy enough. As much as I am enjoying not having homework, I think there is a part of my brain that is ashamed (?) or feeling useless because it's just not working as hard as it has been for almost three years.
I've been enjoying my weekends, and feeling guilty about it. I thought maybe it was because of my job. But, maybe it's because of my now-lazy brain!
We went on a HOG dinner ride to Clear Springs for catfish and onion rings. Then over to the Phoenix Saloon for bike night. Met some dancing friends there. Beautiful ride home, with the Big Dipper out in front of us. Gorgeous. And I was feeling guilty; or I was worried there was something else I should be doing. Something is bothering me; it's like a little cloud hanging around.
So, I'm on a quest to identify it and run as fast as I can as far away from it as I can. Since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I truly know that the joy of the Lord is my strength, I really do know exactly where to start. Psalm 91 is a good one for my son while he's on assignment; but it's also a good one for my mind, so I'll start there. And head on into some mind-strengthening exercises in Matthew, I think.
God is good; all the time - and especially when I need him.

"You had me at 'hello.'"

Yea. It was one of those moments. Kinda.
Pastor Scott was saying how "being a part of people's whole lives, I mean their WHOLE lives - from their wedding, to the birth of a child, to burying a parent. Being a part of all of that is . . . " (I'm thinking , yea, it's a burden; and a lot of work, and . . . ) "well, it's a blessing." Well, no Scott, that wasn't really the word I was looking for. But he started his message that way, so I had to listen on.
So much of it scored my heart. It resounded in my being, until I leaked. Yes, tears ran down my face. It's hard to care, really. But, you have to care, really.
So, here's what I have come to, after a nice motorcycle ride home: For certain, caring is a deep thing and you can't do it without love, and you can't love without being loved by God. When you know that love, you have the strength to care as you should, because it is not of yourself that you love and care.
Now, going back to Scott's message about the sheep. Yea, we pretty much all know how stupid they are. We've heard the stories, and sometimes it isn't very encouraging to be compared to them. Which is why, I guess, we all need love so desperately. God loves that one sheep that goes astray - and most of the time they don't go astray on purpose. Like Scott said, "they nibble themselves astray," and can't find their way back. So they freeze in fright, and they cry out. And the shepherd comes, and carries them home.
Well, my shoulders had gotten so sore. My arms tired. And, the sheep keep going astray.
I want to care, but sometimes my grace storage facility seems to run dry. Maybe I should think of it as not having a bottom; or, not knowing where the bottom is. (Kind of like the Edwards Aquifer, maybe?)
When I run out, out of the depths of me, I begin to see just how big my God is. Or, better still, just how deep He is.
Later, Scott told me that I could put the sheep down. They aren't mine. Because I am not the shepherd. God is.
Knowing how shoulders can get sore, I suppose my goal will be not to get lost or go astray. I don't need to make Him come looking for me!