Broken Fast

I broke the fast. Actually, I did it twice. I could say it wasn't my fault, but, I could have been strong. But, it was hubby's birthday! And, the other time, a co-worker brought breakfast in. I didn't want to hurt his feelings! Would God understand?
I felt as though I had made some breakthroughs, but something is still missing. The big one: that close-knit feeling I like to have with my Creator.
I've discovered that "without faith it is impossible to please God." And I've been reminded by Him that it only takes a mustard seed-size faith to move a mountain. Well, none of my breakthroughs are that big! So, I suppose I have enough faith.
But what about touching Him? Why does it seem like He's so far away? I ask. I seek. I knock. I feel like my knuckles are so sore!
Then, driving home after a storm had moved through, the sun broke through and the bright, white clouds were dazzling! I can't explain what I felt, but it was a new, clean feeling. Yes. The sun broke through. And I will, too! Perhaps the drought of faith I have been going through is to help me understand those who struggle with their faith. At least now, I know that I have enough faith to know that how I feel about God and my level of faith does not affect who He is, or what He does. He has my good at heart, and nothing less.

A Fast

So, our church is going through a time of transition and has suggested members consider a fast. It can be for a while; for one day; for a specific purpose; whatever. As I considered this, and my long list of needs as well as my schedule for the next week, I thought this could be overwhelming. But then I reconsidered the scripture Pastor Scott used today. Isa. 26:12-14, about the gods that end up overwhelming us.
On the way home, I realized - again, duh - that I have not been really living my favorite verse. 1 Co. 10:31 says, "Whether then you EAT or drink, or whatever you do; do all to the glory of God." (Emphasis mine.) How can I glorify God when I'm eating?
Well, I know what grabs my attention when the little pangs of hunger hit. And I know that even if I'm distracted, I reach for a quick snack. Those are the little gods that have overwhelmed me.
So, I will stay away from those distractions, those little gods, and place my attention on the God who has delivered, and will deliver me, from . . . me?

U R or B

I am amazed at how simply uncomplicated worship can be. And yet, it doesn't surprise me, either. Last fall, as I searched for the perfect words to tell Him who He is to me, I stopped after, 'You are.' And I realized, He is. So, You are declares all I need to tell Him. He is my strength, my guide, my savior, my friend. He is my goal, my peace, my planner, my purpose. He is my Lord, my wisdom, my comfort, my healer. So, He is. Therefore, saying 'You are,' seemed to suffice. He is my all in all. So, in that space, during worship, where only He and I exist, those were my words, and then I seemed content to rest in His presence; to listen.
Until Sunday. I asked Him to work His way, His plan. To do what He should do, if indeed I left my life for Him to run without interference. (yeah, I know, like that will happen in THIS human life! But, bear with me.) as I communes with Him, seeking the words to asking Him to have His way in my life, I realized I wanted my God to BE. Be Who 'You are.' because in Your perfect existence you will BE exactly who I need You to BE at any given nano-second. Perhaps that is too simple. To just ask God to BE. But that perfection, coming into my life can only help me to be. Be a better person for Him, and to others. Be listening to His voice. Be understanding of the incidents of my life, and how they fit into His plan.
Yes, to praise my Lord today, I tell Him to 'be.'
"Since You are my everything; be my everything." He can be everything I need in this world, and in my life afterward, if I will let Him.
Worship can be simple, when we see Him for all He is, and is willing to be. Whether we use many words, or just one or two, it is simple communication with Him that His heart desires. He will BE when we approach Him, as He is.

It's eating my lunch!

Lunch is. Not on a daily basis, but every week! I've been trying to figure out the whole issue of providing lunch on a weekly basis for 20 different people with varying likes and dislikes, and dietary requirements. It just isn't easy. It's eating my lunch! Seriously. I feel like I'm spending an inordinate amount of time on this, and not on, well, you know, "presidential" things that might be really important to my Rotary Club, and even to the community.

Food might be a strange thing to blog about, but I am more consumed by it than I am consuming it these days! And, daily, as a Food Pantry manager, I think about it at work. So, should I get contemplative about this whole subject?

Motorcyclists ask if you ride to eat or eat to ride. My daddy used to ask us if we lived to eat, or ate to live. When you think of it that way, it gives a better perspective to the subject. Food isn't what it is all about. Living is what life is all about. Food is sustenance, energy, provision for getting things done in life. (Yes, I know you can still enjoy the food along the way. That's not where I'm going.) It shouldn't be a focus. But, it is. And with 40% of Texas schoolchildren food insecure, it must become a focus for someone. A concern.

I suppose this is bringing me back to one of my favorite Scriptures. One that I wish I would focus on much more often. "Whether then you eat, or drink, or whatever you do; do it all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31.

A Sabbath's Rest

There's something to be said for resting. Really resting. As well as talking some things out.
I don't have much planned for this weekend, but last weekend, I said, "no," to nearly everything. I told everyone I just needed a weekend of nothing; no doing; no dates; nothing. I was telling my boss, before that weekend, how much I knew I needed it. He acknowledged that we had been going 100 mph for weeks with extra projects; BESIDES doing our regular jobs. That got me to believing I was just plain exhausted.
After last weekend's rest, I felt normal. The best part of that is proving God right. He told us to take a day off every week, because we need the rest. Somewhere, I read about a study that proved that the human body needs a day of rest. I believe I'll try to take that a little more seriously.
This week was so much better for me, as well as all of those around me! I was able to look at all the things happening around me and enjoy them, or laugh at them.
No, I'm not sinking into that pit. I'm just going to have to remember that exhaustion can cause extra worries. Spending time in a good fruitful book, listening to some great music and not trying to get caught up on anything are good antidotes to weariness and the threat of depression.

Been there; done that.

Yeah. Been there; done that. Don't want to do it again. But I realized tonight that it snuck up on me. I avoided it a couple times in the last couple years. I could smell it, sorta. Something. Then, tonight, there it was.
I feel like I'm teetering on the abyss of depression again. I don't know why. I have a job I enjoy. It's tough, but it's important and I get to help people. I have a great husband; great kids. Oh, I could list so many things.
So, they would probably say we have to diagnose the situation. Quite honestly, I think I might not be busy enough. As much as I am enjoying not having homework, I think there is a part of my brain that is ashamed (?) or feeling useless because it's just not working as hard as it has been for almost three years.
I've been enjoying my weekends, and feeling guilty about it. I thought maybe it was because of my job. But, maybe it's because of my now-lazy brain!
We went on a HOG dinner ride to Clear Springs for catfish and onion rings. Then over to the Phoenix Saloon for bike night. Met some dancing friends there. Beautiful ride home, with the Big Dipper out in front of us. Gorgeous. And I was feeling guilty; or I was worried there was something else I should be doing. Something is bothering me; it's like a little cloud hanging around.
So, I'm on a quest to identify it and run as fast as I can as far away from it as I can. Since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I truly know that the joy of the Lord is my strength, I really do know exactly where to start. Psalm 91 is a good one for my son while he's on assignment; but it's also a good one for my mind, so I'll start there. And head on into some mind-strengthening exercises in Matthew, I think.
God is good; all the time - and especially when I need him.

"You had me at 'hello.'"

Yea. It was one of those moments. Kinda.
Pastor Scott was saying how "being a part of people's whole lives, I mean their WHOLE lives - from their wedding, to the birth of a child, to burying a parent. Being a part of all of that is . . . " (I'm thinking , yea, it's a burden; and a lot of work, and . . . ) "well, it's a blessing." Well, no Scott, that wasn't really the word I was looking for. But he started his message that way, so I had to listen on.
So much of it scored my heart. It resounded in my being, until I leaked. Yes, tears ran down my face. It's hard to care, really. But, you have to care, really.
So, here's what I have come to, after a nice motorcycle ride home: For certain, caring is a deep thing and you can't do it without love, and you can't love without being loved by God. When you know that love, you have the strength to care as you should, because it is not of yourself that you love and care.
Now, going back to Scott's message about the sheep. Yea, we pretty much all know how stupid they are. We've heard the stories, and sometimes it isn't very encouraging to be compared to them. Which is why, I guess, we all need love so desperately. God loves that one sheep that goes astray - and most of the time they don't go astray on purpose. Like Scott said, "they nibble themselves astray," and can't find their way back. So they freeze in fright, and they cry out. And the shepherd comes, and carries them home.
Well, my shoulders had gotten so sore. My arms tired. And, the sheep keep going astray.
I want to care, but sometimes my grace storage facility seems to run dry. Maybe I should think of it as not having a bottom; or, not knowing where the bottom is. (Kind of like the Edwards Aquifer, maybe?)
When I run out, out of the depths of me, I begin to see just how big my God is. Or, better still, just how deep He is.
Later, Scott told me that I could put the sheep down. They aren't mine. Because I am not the shepherd. God is.
Knowing how shoulders can get sore, I suppose my goal will be not to get lost or go astray. I don't need to make Him come looking for me!