"You had me at 'hello.'"

Yea. It was one of those moments. Kinda.
Pastor Scott was saying how "being a part of people's whole lives, I mean their WHOLE lives - from their wedding, to the birth of a child, to burying a parent. Being a part of all of that is . . . " (I'm thinking , yea, it's a burden; and a lot of work, and . . . ) "well, it's a blessing." Well, no Scott, that wasn't really the word I was looking for. But he started his message that way, so I had to listen on.
So much of it scored my heart. It resounded in my being, until I leaked. Yes, tears ran down my face. It's hard to care, really. But, you have to care, really.
So, here's what I have come to, after a nice motorcycle ride home: For certain, caring is a deep thing and you can't do it without love, and you can't love without being loved by God. When you know that love, you have the strength to care as you should, because it is not of yourself that you love and care.
Now, going back to Scott's message about the sheep. Yea, we pretty much all know how stupid they are. We've heard the stories, and sometimes it isn't very encouraging to be compared to them. Which is why, I guess, we all need love so desperately. God loves that one sheep that goes astray - and most of the time they don't go astray on purpose. Like Scott said, "they nibble themselves astray," and can't find their way back. So they freeze in fright, and they cry out. And the shepherd comes, and carries them home.
Well, my shoulders had gotten so sore. My arms tired. And, the sheep keep going astray.
I want to care, but sometimes my grace storage facility seems to run dry. Maybe I should think of it as not having a bottom; or, not knowing where the bottom is. (Kind of like the Edwards Aquifer, maybe?)
When I run out, out of the depths of me, I begin to see just how big my God is. Or, better still, just how deep He is.
Later, Scott told me that I could put the sheep down. They aren't mine. Because I am not the shepherd. God is.
Knowing how shoulders can get sore, I suppose my goal will be not to get lost or go astray. I don't need to make Him come looking for me!