being human

I do love my human frailties . . . at times. They help me balance the pride part. To explain . . .
I've broken my fast numerous times. This makes me mad. Very angry. At myself, for not being stronger; for not being willing to say, "no," and explain to people. I suppose I fear they may not understand. So, then I become disappointed in myself. And, I wonder how God feels about my failing Him.
Then, He shares His joy with me! He reassures me of His love. He lets me know that I belong to Him, and He wants me to know He is with me at all times.
The newest Big Daddy Weave song, "Love Come to Life" caught my attention with the first few lines. It was so appropriate for all I've been through lately.

I've been restless on the inside
Wondering about this heart of mine
I've been desperately trying to find
A way to prove that I'm still alive

I have sung that song's chorus as a prayer, and I believe it is coming to life in me these days!
Often, in the past before this interesting period in my life recently, I was a proud person who knew God loved me. The period of doubt ripped away a large covering of faith and exposed my worries about His plan for my life. It overrode my belief in a good and loving God. I felt like I was living in a corner of His basement; forgotten at times.
Yes, He never left me. He was always there. And, as I broke the fast again I somehow knew it. It wasn't the fast, but the focus of the fast.
I met Him again yesterday morning, as I always try to do, and His joy was full and pleasant. And, as I sang on the way to work, I knew that I had crossed back over the bridge of doubt and was enjoying His presence again.