I'm caught in a struggle. I'm going up and down. I'm filled with happiness and then filled with sorrow. I think this is called "life," but it is something I haven't really faced so clearly before.

I've faced death before. I've given birth. I marvel at both.

Right now, I can delight in life as I watch my one-year-old granddaughter explore it and enjoy it and marvel at it herself. The excitement she exudes when she tries or does something for the first time can be exhilarating. I'm on top of the world as I watch her. Then my mind wanders, and I come crashing to earth.

My cousin lies, on life support, in ICU, and my heart jumps back to our many discussions about God and heaven. He has determined that God bases your entry on whether you tried to live a good life; the old "balance in the skies" method. I have determined the Jesus Christ is the only promised entry ticket. Our discussions were many. His decision: concrete. There was no budging him.

What if I am wrong? Well, I suppose I'll see a lot of people that I never thought I would see. I will experience more of that adventure "high" as if I'm meeting them, again, for the very first time.

What if he is wrong? That's why I fluctuate so wildly. Yes, he is suffering now. But how do I feel about sending him to eternal torment? Is his final decision his FINAL decision? Would he give it more thought if he beat this pneumonia and the COPD and woke up?

So, here I ponder: between birth and death. That "dash" we call "life." I love it. I enjoy it. I praise God for it, even when it takes a bad turn for me. Because I trust Him to fix it, or make it work out right.

Statistics and a grandbaby

How do you mix and balance the two? I have to pass the stats class, cuz it's required. And I can't not spend time with granddaughter Evalynn when she's here! So far, I think I've done okay getting the homework done while also getting my smiles and giggles in. She is so very precious! I know, everyone says that of their grandkids. But this one is delightful, happy, and flexible. She just doesn't get upset very easily, and seems to adapt so well.

This is my last semester before graduating. One more correspondence Sociology class to complete the requirement and I'll graduate in May. I keep thinking, "Then what?" I'm not really sure at this point, so, rather than making a commitment, I'll leave it at that.

Just a little about me . . . now, not then.

I don't know what I'll do with this.
I'm sitting here wondering if the doc is right: will I be able to run by the weekend? I've never had bronchitis before. Can some prednisone actually make you feel better that fast? I have to be all better before we go see our granddaughter at the end of the month. I could fill a blog with thoughts about her. About life.
For now, I'm so focused on finishing my degree that I have too many classes going and not enough life. But, I knew I had to set a goal and aim precisely for it. I'm hoping to graduate in May 2011.